Scuba Diving Day 1: The pool, the girl, and the existential crisis

Source: Temple Adventures, Pondicherry 

Am I a girl who likes adventures? Hell yeah! My father always encourages me and my siblings to enjoy adventurous sports, so Scuba diving in Pondicherry was a big yes! Fear of water wasn't a problem because I've been swimming and doing water sports since I was a kid. In my mind, I was all set and ready for my Discover Scuba Diving course with Temple Adventures, Pondicherry. 

Temple Adventures, Pondicherry is one of the best diving centers across India. Along with that it is also PADI 5* Instructor Development Centre. (PADI stands for Professional Association of Diving Instructors... Of course, I googled it!)  Temple Adventures provide a wide range of courses in diving like PADI Discover Scuba Diving, PADI Open Water Diving, PADI Wreck Diver Course, and many more. If you are interested you can check their website: templeadventures.com

I had never done scuba diving before so I obviously opted for the Discover Scuba Diving course. DSD course offered by Temple Adventures is a two-session course. Session one is a pool session in which you'll be made comfortable with all the equipment and trained thoroughly for the actual dive. Session two is the actual dive session, you'll actually be diving in the ocean! My pool session was on July 19th, 2021. I was all set and reached the Temple Adventures office at 6 AM sharp. I was excited but nervous. I had a company of a sweet couple who were equally excited and equally nervous. (I forgot their names... I am very very very bad at remembering names!) All three of us were briefed about scuba diving before actually entering the pool.

(I apologize beforehand to my diving instructors as well... because I forgot some of their names as well... Really sorry guys, you were the best but my memory really sucks!)

Scuba Diving is a kind of water sport/adventure in which you need a calm mind. I was very calm and cool and "I'll do it so easily" until I entered the pool or let's say until I had to put the regulator in my mouth. A regulator is a device that is connected to your oxygen tank which helps you breathe underwater. However helpful it is to breathe underwater, it can be tedious for a person like me who gags even while swallowing a pill. Imagine my struggle with this device that is basically the most important thing for Scuba diving! I was trying hard not to gag and to breathe through my mouth and I was still failing miserably. At one point I felt so miserable I said, "I QUIT." I literally said it. I was ready to quit than to try on this adventure I always wanted to do.

The crew at Temple Adventures is super supportive. They help you with everything and they make you feel calm in any situation. I wasn't even in the actual ocean and I was crying like a baby (in front of complete strangers). I was constantly telling my diving instructor that I didn't want to dive anymore. I was embarrassing myself in front of a cute couple, and a well-trained scuba diver. At this point, not one but two of the divers from Temple Adventure came there to encourage me. They could have said, "stop wasting our time and get the hell out of here" but instead, they were calming me down, trying hard to make this 22-year-old baby stop crying! 

I wasn't crying because I was scared of the waters. I wasn't thinking about scuba diving or the ocean or the regulator; I was thinking about everything else in my life. I was feeling lonely, cold, and at my lowest. In my head, I was the girl who always quits, a girl who couldn't be a good daughter to her parents, a girl who wasn't a good example for her siblings, a girl who was a shitty engineer even after graduating, a girl who was a terrible partner, a girl with stupid life-issues! I screamed, "I am so ashamed of myself! I have been swimming since I was 3 and I can't do this simple thing." In reality, I was ashamed of many other things that I couldn't do in my life. It really wasn't about scuba diving, it was far more than that. I could feel my heart stomping and my throat drying. I had never felt this way before (at least in public). I was shocked at my own actions. At that point, one of the divers said, "You are thinking about so many different things right now. Stop doing it and focus on your breathing. Inhale on 1... 2... 3... and exhale on 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6..." I started trying it out, still crying. I would do it for a few minutes and again start panicking. The diver then asked me, "What are you afraid of? Dying? We won't let you die anyways!" I asked myself, "Am I afraid of dying?" NO! I wasn't afraid of dying. Then what was I afraid of? If not death, then what? It took me a few more minutes of breathwork to calm my mind and body and to figure it all out. I was afraid of failing, rather failing again! I've failed at a lot of things, I've failed a lot of people and I was ready to quit but I wasn't ready to try and fail! 

In the past 2 years, I have quit a lot of things just so I wouldn't have to deal with failures. I had forgotten that you can only fail if you try something new first. I wanted to travel to Pondicherry with my cousins to figure out something new. This was something new and I was trying to quit again. How could I? I had to do it at any cost. I didn't want to return home as the same girl who quits everything. After some more struggle, breathwork, and will to not quit I started off again. My diving instructor was really patient with me and he trained me again. We went over all the procedures and important skills again and again until I was ready and comfortable.

That day in the pool I learned so many marvelous things. I learned how to equalize underwater (the most important thing to do) so your ears don't feel too much pressure, how to clean your regulator, how to recover your regulator, how to clear your mask underwater. But most importantly I learned so many things about myself. I learned what I am afraid of, I learned how your own mind can f*ck with you, I learned I am not scared of death, I am just scared of living with failures! I learned that failure only comes to those who try something new and failures won't kill you. A stupid, crying girl in the pool learned so many lessons. The diving instructor (I think his name is Shaveer) taught me breathwork better than Jay Shetty's "Think like a monk" could teach me! (No offense to Jay Shetty, it is just my experience😀). Even after returning from Pondicherry, I still count '1... 2... 3... and 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6...' to calm my mind. Huge thanks to those two amazing people who made me believe in myself and taught me much more than diving. Thanks a lot!